FamilyMatters

Hello everyone. Well, I had a subject fall right into my lap early this morning. It’s one we all try to avoid, try to ignore. The subject is our mortality. Let me start by backtracking to almost 2 years ago, when my husband slipped on some ice at work. He ended up in the hospital with a spiral fracture of the tibia, and two very bad breaks in his ankle. His recovery was very slow, and even now his leg still will probably never be 100% again. He’ll never ref basketball again, he seems fine when he walks, but limps if he tries to run. He’s only 38, but he’s starting to feel his mortality looming over him.

So this morning around 3:30 (he works the graveyard shift) he got home early, due to the presses being down. Well for the past couple of weeks he’s been experiencing hip pain on the side of his body, opposite the injury. Now mind you, he’s standing on concrete all night at work. And he says that the pain seems to go away a few hours after coming home. However, he was worried about it yesterday, so (genius that I am) I decide to go to WebMD to look up what could cause hip pain such as what he was describing. Well I go in there, and after entering his symptoms, about 20 possible causes pop up; some minor, some extreme. We read over them, and I concluded that it sounded like bursitis, which is inflammation of the bursa (small fluid filled sacs between the joints). Not that big of a deal. So what happens? I’ll tell you what happens. My husband gets home this morning, and seems very quiet, and when I asked him how work was, he bursts into tears. Now folks, this is a man who rarely, if ever, cries. Not that he thinks there’s anything wrong with it, but he’s usually a pillar of unshakable nerve. I take him in my arms, and at this point I’m freakin’ out in my head thinking, my God, is he hurt! Did he get laid off like I just did?! And he says to me, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying. My hip is hurting really bad, and I’m so scared that it’s something really awful. I’m so scared that when I go into the doctor…what if it’s something really bad. I can’t leave you and Kai alone. I love you guys so much. I don’t want to die”. At this point my mothering instincts kick in, and I’m trying to sooth his worries. He goes on saying, “I can’t leave you guys alone. I’m not ready for it to be over. There’s so much I want to experience with the two of you. I don’t want to miss out on Kai growing up (And he is just sobbing, I mean REALLY sobbing. I’ve never seen him this worked up). I am so happy in my life, and I love you both SO much. Why would God give me everything so wonderful in life and then take it away?!”. And so I’m telling him that God’s not going to take him away. I’ve been through a similar trip like that, back when I had a breast cancer scare, and let me tell you, I know exactly what Todd is feeling at this point, and it can scare you to death. You get this sense of time running out, death is waiting in the wings to swoop in and snatch you away from all that you hold near and dear to your heart. Frankly, I’m very surprise that I didn’t start sobbing along with him. Me, the gal that cries during certain TV commercials, for heaven’s sake! I became his pillar of strength. He was just so upset. I felt really awful for him. Once he calmed down, I asked what had brought this whole thing on, and he said that on his way home he had started thinking about my WebMD search, and the 20 possible ailments that popped up, and what if his hip hurting was a symptom of something really, REALLY bad. I’m thinking, wonderful Eva, you just HAD to go looking on WebMD. I terrified my poor husband!

A bit later he had calmed down, and we were laying in bed talking, and he told me that before his accident, he felt 100%. he felt like he was still in his early 20’s. Now he says that since his accident he feels older than his age (he sure doesn’t look it). I suppose that what he’s experiencing is the beginnings of midlife crisis. I’ve been through this phenomenon with both of my parents, and trust me, it sucks. The great thing about Todd though is that he has a very level head about him. Unlike my parents who, as much as I hate to say, were always emotionally weak. Their handling of it was a nightmare for me.

Thinking about your own mortality, or that of those you love most in life, and how fragile it is, can be terrifying at times. For me, I’m not so much afraid of death and/or dying (though I hope when my time comes, that it’s quick), but of what will happen to those I leave behind. Will they be okay?

I’d like to hear from you if you’ve dealt with this at all. Have you or someone that you love had to face their mortality? How did you/they react? And what kind of things run through your mind when you’re contemplating your mortality?

Until next time…live, love and laugh! 

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